On a recent visit to my hometown, I was a bit floored. I found myself in buildings and dinner company that I hadn't seen in years. We might even round it up to a decade. After all, my ten year reunion was last fall, so it's safe to say I hadn't interacted with many of these people or places in any real capacity in about 10 years. I discovered that I, to my surprise, have completely changed.
Of course, some of those changes are really great. In ten years, I've received 3 degrees, lived in 4 different cities, held 3 different jobs and even had my own business for a while. Not to mention (18-year-old me would be very glad to know) I found my forever guy. Like, lots of really great stuff right?
I also discovered hair straighteners, photo filters, hipster-ish styling, a really cheap-but-stylish prescription glasses website, the cutest dog on the planet, and that I have a affinity for brick buildings and city streets. All of this adds up to me trying to hide or distance myself from my background, or that's how it seemed.
In that hometown visit, I was greeted with phrases like, "How's the fancy wedding planning going?" and "Don't forget -- I know where you come from!!" I learned, in the eyes of others at least, I've completely changed. I'm fancy and citified and maybe a little fake and not being true to my roots... and I think this is all based on my Instagram photos?
In any case, I heard this song on the radio this morning. And like every. single. time. I hear this song, I teared up. Because, in my heart and soul at least, it all rings true. I'll admit that a few things have changed for me on the road to adulthood, but show me a life in which that isn't true?
For all my "changing," I still can't handle spicy food because I grew up on salt and butter. To this day, I still have no idea what counts as an appropriate bowl to serve a salad in at a dinner party. I get teased for my pronunciation of certain words that I only assume I learned as a kid. When chatting with my "city" friends, they chuckle at my country sayings* and find my stories of my family (current stories, mind you! That I'm still a part of!!) quaint and charming.
It threw me for a loop to discover that I was being perceived as somehow trying to be different or better or whatever. I can see how a person might draw those conclusions, but I hope there's still enough of me in there that it's obvious that my main objective is to do my best and be who I am and be a good person in the process. And I hope all the other humans out there are living as true to themselves as possible, too.
*Are there really people who have never heard the phrase, "I wouldn't pee on him if he was on fire"?? #cityfolks
I feel like we always said "if he was on fire, she wouldn't piss to put him out" the one I get the most sass for is always cattywampus. but come on, that's just fun to say. however, I try to stay away from the town where I went to high school because small town kids don't seem to graduate or leave high school drama behind, so I might be the one who is actually out there trying to be fancy..
ReplyDeleteOh, all the feels. I can totally relate to this. I always wanted to move away. I lived in the dorms at college even though I could have stayed at home and commuted. Everyone thought it was crazy. But I found so much out about myself in college. It's funny, because while that town will always be the place I grew up... there isn't much tying me there anymore. My family has all moved away, I don't even have friends who still live there. In a way, it's extremely freeing not to have to go back a lot anymore. To not feel "too big or fancy" to be there. To not have to prove myself. To not remember some of the falling out. I'm kind of loving this new chapter. I think it's important to just be ourselves. I will always be a little bit of a small town person, and so will you. But that doesn't mean we'll always live in small towns, or go back to small towns, or look like we fit into one from our instas. Just be you, just be happy. My parents used to say that lot's of people don't grow up past high school. I'd imagine the same folks who judged me then (for whatever reason), are still judging me now (but for different ones). It's not really my business to care I guess, just to be myself and enjoy my life. :) Typing this is pretty surreal.. .because I am removed from this place it's easy to say! If I could only feel this way about things I am less removed from... I'd be golden. (I hear it gets easier with age!). I don't know if any of that makes sense, but I understand! :) I have never heard that phrase!! hehe XO - Alexandra
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ooh and afterthought. This makes me think, SO MUCH, about Garden State. I lived and breathed that movie and soundtrack in high school. I hadn't seen it in YEARS! (I don't re-watch a lot of movies anymore)... and upon re-watching I had a whole new perspective. It's still an amazing movie... but it's like... "wow, this is so true about home, and self discovery, etc." I don't know but it really got me when I watched it over the summer. Have you seen it? If not... you should totally do it. Still one of my all-time favorites. XO - Alexandra
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